Thoughts on Toni Morrison's New Novel Home

MY THOUGHTS ON TONI MORRISON'S NEW NOVEL HOME.

Like many of you, I have been a fan of Toni Morrison since I was a freshman in college. It was in those classrooms that I fell in love with the magic that is Toni Morrison. It was through her writings that I came to understand and to love the use of stream consciousness in fiction writing.

After college I continued to be a fan. However, for anyone who has read Morrison, you know reading her can take work. I learned to digest Morrison's books by taking a highlighter and creating a family tree/org chart to keep up with who was connected to whom. Also, I pulled out the Bible on more than one occasion because often her books have biblical references and metaphors. Of course it was never possible to even come close to understanding a Morrison novel with just one read. I confess that I have read Songs of Solomon at least (4) times, Paradise (3) times and Beloved, I can't even count. And I still feel as if I've missed something or there's more for me to learn.

Now fast forward to the twenty-first century. Morrison's recent novels have been quite different. A lot less voluminous than some of her earlier works. Usually, no more than 200 pages. Though still rich in substance; they tend not to have the type of complex themes and metaphors that leave one feeling exhausted and for me, just a bit inadequate. Let me correct myself. The complexity of themes is still there, but they don't seem to be as deeply hidden in symbolisms as they once were.

These days it would appear that Morrison has mastered the art of less is more. The stories are just as rich, and your soul still feels full, but just with half the dose.

This is definitely the case with Home. Morrison is no less masterful in her ability to weave a story and paint a mosaic that leads the reader into the joy, pain and personal growth of the character(s). In Home, we take a spiritual and emotional journey with the main character Frank, who is a Korean War veteran. More likely than not, Frank is suffering from PTSD. 

We follow Frank on his painful journey to reconnect with his sister Cece, who has also experienced her own personal and physical trauma at the hands of a trusted physician for whom she is employed. Morris without being mushy; shows us that familiar bonds can never be completely broken and love and forgiveness transcends and heals all wounds.

The opening line of the novel, in classic Morrison style sets the tone of the story:

    

"They rose up like men. We saw them. Like men they stood." (Home, p.3).

Morrison still employs stream of consciousness, masterfully. But this reader was able to follow it; possibly because it was not overlaid with as many metaphors and symbols as in some of Morrison's earlier works. Yet, her ability to make readers hear, taste and smell what the characters are experiencing is no less poignant.

For example:

     

"The iced iron of the fire escape steps was so painful he

jumped over the rails to sink his feet into the warmer

snow on the grown. Manic moonlight going the work

of absent starts matched his desperate frenzy, lighting

his hunched shoulders and footprints left in the snow."

(Home p. 11).

Home, like many of Morrison novels is the story of one man's journey through childhood and adult trauma, and the courage he is able to call forth in order to make his way back to redemption and healing.  I recommend the book for veteran Morrison fans and for those who might have been intimidated or exhausted by some of Morrison's earlier works. I feel confident than neither audience will be disappointed.

AkaziaHunt

© 2012

Over using Racist and Homophobic

When we too quickly apply the terms racist and homophobic to someone, not only is it a rush to judgment; it shuts down any possibility of meaningful dialogue between you and the person. More importantly, it lets the person off the hook without their ever really examining their shadow beliefs about people of other ethic groups or sexual orientation. The person quickly says, oh I'm not racist, or I'm not homophobic. And of course there are those who go a step further and say, some of best friends are....  This may or may not be true, yet, it allows the individual to skirt the larger issue, which is the benefit of white and heterosexual privilege.  

Now mind you, heterosexual privilege is an issue that I had to struggle with as a straight black women.  There was a time I felt that as a woman and a person of color, I was afforded few privileges if any, and did not see my heterosexual orientation as any kind of privilege.   However, overtime, and with some very heated discussions, my homosexual friends educated me on the errors in my thinking.  I was able to remain open to the dialogue because my friends were smart and sensitive enough not to just call me names, but engaged me in ways that allowed me to honor my feelings and opinions,  while exploring new ways of seeing and being in the world with others who had a different sexual orientation.

Now let me be clear, I've come a long way in my thinking, but I am not at the "Gay is the new Black" stage by any means.  I still feel that when I walk into a room my blackness and the negative historical legacy connected to my ancestry enters with me.  I am at the mercy if you will, of the other person to be enlightened enough to know that I am more than my color.  On the other hand, in my opinion, when a gay or lesbian person walks into a room their sexual orientation is not immediately known or for that matter judged. Again, IMHO.

However, I digress.  I was motivated to write this post because of the article, "Oh Shit, I'm Racist" (http://uncrunched.com/2011/10/28/oh-shit-im-a-racist/).  Mike Arrington could easily let himself off the hook by saying he's not a racist, which he probably isn't. Nevertheless, this quote from his article made me think Mr. Arrington might just need to dig a little deeper into his world view as it relates to issues of race and even class. He stated:

"I may be the poster child for racial ignorance in Silicon Valley, but my motives are pure and I always have and always will do anything to help out the underdog. Frankly, I’ll invest my time in people like Will.i.am, who are actually trying to fix the problem at the root level."

Will i am. Dude are you serious? Rubbing shoulders with a black guy, by the way, wealthy entertainer should not excuse your "racial ignorance". Yet, this is what happens when we use language like racist and homophobic loosely.  People get a free pass and continue with their lives feeling exonerated that they are not racist or homophobic, while their negatives views and the bigotry of low expectations remain intact.

The moral of this rant if there is one: The next time you confront someone who is expressing negative views or comments about a racial or sexual minority; don't immediately brand them racist or homophobic. Instead, engage them in meaningful dialogue if at all possible.

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Note to Single Moms and Mr. West

This post is in response to Kanye West' new song Mama's Boyfriend.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Umjy314sQQ. Thanks Nessa for the nudge. You knew I couldn't resist.

In the mist of what I consider Kanye's whining, he raises a very relevant issue regarding the relationship between mothers and their children, especially sons.  Single mothers stop telling little boys that they are the man of the house. Your child is not your boyfriend or your husband, he's a child and should act in a child's role.  Until he pays the bills, he ain't the man of nothing. End of conversation.

As a woman who raised a son as a divorced mom, I know a little bit about what I speak. I was very mindful in my relationship choices, but I was always clear of a couple of things: 1) every man I met, my child didn't need to meet 2) I was still a young woman and deserved the right to date  3) I recognized that it was important for my child to see me engaged in "healthy" relationships with men. Yet, I was also mindful that my son was taking his cues from me about how women should be treated. I can proudly say for the most part my son his a gentleman. Though he's hit some bumps in the relationship department, I'm proud of the man he is becoming.

Single moms, I'm not dumping on you. I know it's hard navigating the whole dating thing. Especially today when it's a real challenge for women in general to find the right mate. That's not to say that there are not good men out there, it's just connecting that right man with the right woman. And of course, blending baby mamas and daddies, it can get complicated.

The interesting thing is men handle the situation totally different.  I watch my son as a single dad raising his son. He is oh so clear that he's going to have a life and the littlest Hunt just has to get on board.  Of course the fact that L. Hunt's mom is not in the picture makes it both easier and sometimes much more complicated.

As for me Mr. West, I admire his artistry and I certainly empathize with the loss of his mom. However, Kanye was a whiner before his mother died and he continues. I said it before, I think the brother has some serious issues that I hope he's addressing. However, he's not the first person to lose a parent unexpectedly, and most don't have the benefit of wealth to get quality counseling or be able to afford the luxuries that he has.  Now of course there certainly could be much deeper issues with Kanye and some of his mother's boyfriends (IMJS). We all know that little girls are not the only ones that get violated by the mother's boyfriend or possibly even the father's girlfriend or whatever the configuration.

At some point we have to put a statue of limitations on all the ways that our parents f@cked up, and keep it moving. As someone once said, and I'm paraphrasing, "if your mom put you on the potty backwards as a child, by the time you're are 25 or 30 years old you need to have the good sense to turn yourself around.

Just my two cents.

Social Networks: What Good Are They?

I received a rather lengthy rant from a colleague stating that they were closing all their social networking accounts (FB, Linkedin and Twitter) because the networks were a waste of time. The person went on to say, that in a time of recession, tax breaks for the wealthy, a dysfunctional federal government and two wars, folk are wasting time, talking about music, art and senseless stuff.  I hear my friend loud and clear. We are indeed in the worse economic and political climate of my life time.  And yes, there's lots of over sharing and senseless banter that goes on with social networking sites. But like most things in the world, there is good and bad, and it's up to individual user to discern what works and doesn't work.

I'd like to offer a different take. I possess a wide array of interests which social and economic matters are an integral part. However, arts, cultural, spiritual uplift are equally important to my functioning as a whole person. The opportunity to interface with people from around the world on a variety of topics, ranging from nuclear disarmament to Nicki Minaj, I find extremely fulfilling. More important, it provides a break from the daily grind of what for me is very difficult economic time.

LinkedIn provides a space for to me to interface with those who I share  similar professional interests. Twitter allows me in 140 characters to get links to news, jobs, music and yes, up to the minute analysis of the RHOA or the BET awards.
Facebook, where I admit, I probably spend more time than I should, provides me with a cornucopia of knowledge on range of topics that feed my all over the place mind. I get spiritual food and uplift from people all of the U.S and some foreign countries.  I'm linked to people and diverse ideas that would take me; a somewhat shy, reserve person, several life times to accomplish in real time.

In my opinion, social networking creates the opportunity for us to move beyond the normative cultural practice made popular at the turn of the century by author, Robert Putnam called, "Bowling Alone". Now I get to come to the playground with a diverse group of people that transcends race, class, gender and national origin in a space that though far from safe, tends to be much more none threatening. I love my FB kin as I have come to call them. I check in on them and they on me, if we're M.I.A for more than a day a two.  We nurture and encourage each other, laugh, cry and celebrate with each other. We are all clear that though this is cyberspace and not everything we read is true or real, our connections are no less valuable.

The long term implications of social networking remains to be seen. However, in the meantime, I will continue to engage. I suggest to my friend not to disconnect, but much like in the real world, be more selective about the kinds of friends he/she surrounds themselves with.

Just my two cents.



Pt: 1 Reconciling the Contradictions: Adapting to a World We Didn't Make

My Standpoint:

I speak from the standpoint of a womanist/feminist, heterosexual woman that admires and respects men, especially black men. I can honestly say that I have never been mistreated by a man. Disappointed by my preconceived notions about what my man should be and how he should love me yes, but I am clear that it was of my own making.  I still maintain what some may call an unrealistic standard.  Yet, I am clear that I am not looking for the perfect man, but a man that is perfect for me.   I have managed to do most of the things I've wanted to do without  having to depend on a relationship with a man.  Would it be sweeter with someone to share it with, of course. But life is about choices, and I choose not to force a relationship that is not meant to be and one in which I don't feel like my best self at least 90% of the time.  Choices in life come with a price. In my opinion, no price is too high for me to feel valued and loved. While my heart remains open to love and companionship, in the meantime, I love my own company, I love being able to make decisions solely with me in mind.  I don't consider myself selfish, but I am oh so self-filled.

Reconciling the Contradictions:

This blog post is not about male or female bashing.  Instead, I am offering a good dose of pull up. So brothers, put on your big boy boxers or briefs and sisters put on your big girl panties. This is about the NAKED TRUTH (i.e. self-hatred as a result of internalized oppression).

DuBios often spoke of the dual consciousness that exists for most black people in America and I suspect the world. That duality of consciousness often causes us to behave in ways that on the surface appear diametrically opposed. Each day we must reconcile what it means to be a person of African descent, a person of color, or a woman of color living in world whose mores and values we didn't make.  We were not at the table when decisions about standards of beauty;  what constitutes manhood or womanhood; what defines success were all decided.  Moreover, at the time, black people were only considered three fifths human. Nevertheless, as with all species, we did what we had to do in order to survive. We adapted.

As a result of  our enslavement and/or our colonization, we have had to create a blueprint for survival that is neither purely Western, nor purely African, but instead, a complex, and often conflicting paradigm of social norms and behaviors.  Many of our ancestors came from African cultures that were matriarchal.  As result of this mismatch, our relationships cannot and will not resemble those of the dominant culture, therefore, we need to stop expecting them to.

Historically, women have done a lot of the adapting and changing. Even today, a NYT bestselling author, calls on women to "Act Like a Lady and Think Life I Man".  However, the author simultaneously says that it is not in a man's nature to do certain things (i.e.take down his woman's cornrows). I beg the question, what about a woman's nature. Historically, men have been hunters and gatherers; the providers. The contextual reality based on the evolution of culture and society has required women to work outside the home and  be providers, caretakers and the nurturers. No where is this more true than within the African American family, where historically the black man has been disenfranchised from certain economic opportunities. Black women adapted and were determined that the family survived by any means necessary. That is our historical legacy.  It is then unfair to ask women to just turn off their take charge role when it suits the needs of the men.

Sadly, some of our adaptation has lead us to doubt our on worth as men, women and as humans. We are so out of order that black men have to ask permission to be men. How many times have we heard the phrase," woman, let me be a man". WTH?  Men of our fathers generation didn't have to ask permission.  Though far from perfect, most did what they had to do to make sure that the family was provided for. They paid the cost to be called, "the man." More important, if a man has to ask permission from me to be a man, his emotional needs are greater than anything I can give him. If he has to get a permission slip from me to be what  and who he was born to be the problem runs much deeper. Often this need for permission stems from the brother's inconsistencies as a man. Brothers have to step it up not just when it works for them, but everyday you live. We need men who are not afraid to walk as a man among men; self-determined and comfortable in their own skin. It takes self-help and healing  by both men and women to bring this about.

You didn't see Sojourner asking the suffragist if she could be a woman. She reminded white women, white men and even black men that she was a woman too.  When Truth made her famous statement, "Ain't I a Woman, she was not asking permission but reminding America, that despite her status she was indeed a woman. She stated "that she had borne 13 children and saw them all sold in to slavery".  She reconcile the contradictions and adapted. Though she may not be put on a pedestal like white women, she was no less of a woman.

Mind you, there are a lot of good brothers in our community, yet they are not the ones who get the spotlight. We must shine the light on these models of manhood. Men who are holding it down must reach out to those who may have never seen or interacted with a positive example of black manhood.  Men in general and black men in particular must be willing to reconcile the contradictions and adapt to the current male/female dynamic. Your wife may make more money than you, you may not have a nine to five, but can you cook, wash dishes and take care of the children, while your wife brings home the bacon, with the understanding that the one who brings home the bacon and often time fries it up does get an equal vote.  This my brothers is what reconciling the contradictions in a world we didn't make looks like.

Sisters you must stop measuring your man's value and worth by American standards. We must stop shaming our men because they do not make the salary, drive the car, or can't shower you constantly with gifts.  Now I am not calling for anyone to settle, (Not advocating for you go to the prison to find your man unless that's the man you want). However, I am saying that we must be realistic in our expectations and be willing to see that the true measure of man has little to do with his bank account. The questions we should be asking are: is he a person of integrity, can I trust him, is he an independent thinker, is he willing to sacrifice his needs for the good of the family. Most of all, does he place the Creator first in every aspect of his daily living.

Now when I speak about a God fearing man, I am not talking about the one who hides behind religion and maintains archaic notions about the role of men and women. I know I'm going to make a few enemies here, but I'm ready to take the hit. A lot of the disharmony that we experience in our relationships is perpetuated by the church.  Literal interpretations of biblical references has confused the situation in many ways, rather than brought clarity. The whole notion that God put man in charge and that women should submit to the will of man often serves as a hindrance to meaningful relationships.  Sojourner Truth addresses this notion. She states:  "Then that little man in black there, he says women can't have as much rights as men, 'cause Christ wasn't a woman! Where did your Christ come from? From God and a woman!  Man had nothing to do with Him".  This outdated notion about who God left in charge, doesn't work. Ultimately, if we put the Creator in charge of both of us, then we can truly move forward.

It is imperative that we a adopt a new paradigm for relationships between men and women. One based on mutual respect and shared leadership.  Complementary roles, based on strengths, rather rigidly defined preconceived notions.  This shift will require the elimination or at least the deconstruction of gender roles built on patriarchy and sustained in large measure by religious institutions.  Only then will men and women be able to engage in meaningful relationship based on mutual respect and shared power, rather than domination and submission.  Change and adaptation must come from both sides. This is how we begin the process of Reconciling the Contradictions and Adapting to a World We Didn't Make.

(Thanks for stopping by. Please feel free to leave your constructive comments. Meaningful dialogue is welcomed. Part II. of this series will address the differences in how men and women select a mate).

Wishing you pure, joy, peace and pure love!

akaziaj

Don't Throw the NAACP's Historical Legacy Out with Its Dirty Bath Water

I am as pissed as most regarding the blatant missteps of the NAACP leadership regarding Mrs. Shirley Sherrod. However, I am not willing to totally malign an organization that no matter whether we agree or disagree with its actions, it has been on the front line fighting for the rights of coloreds, negroes, afro-americans, african-americans and all of the other configurations in between.

I don't know if the NAACP is still relevant and viable to address the myriad of challenges facing our communities today. However, I think we will be hard pressed to find any organization that has not undergone a radical paradigm shift that is truly relevant for our times. Even with that, no single organization will or should try to address all the needs of the black community.

Yes, the NAACP leadership as it stands today, deserves a vote of no confidence. Yet, we can not deny the integral role and human sacrifice that those who came before have made. Yes, I know that the NAACP was started largely by white people.  It was started in response to racial riots and lynching in Springfield Illinois in 1908. It was an organization whose time had come based on the Jim Crowism that was rampant in the America South, but also permeated North, East and West.

We can not deny the role the NAACP played in opening doors to social, political, educational and economic justice for not only black people but other minorities. We cannot deny the historic role of the NAACP's Legal Defense Fund with Thurdgood Marshall at the helm litigating and winning Brown vs Board of Education. We can deny or forget that NAACP field secretary, Medgar Evers gave his life fighting for the rights of black people.

As a child of the segregated South, my history and early activist training are rooted in organizations like the NAACP. I grew up as a small child attending meetings of the Southern Christian Leadership Conference (SCLC), the Christian Movement for Human Rights and the NAACP. I remember sitting in churches in the dead of summer sweltering with heat due to no air conditioning. Yet, my mother and others in attendance paid no mind to the heat inside, because the sweltering heat of oppression waiting for them outside was far greater.

I remember my grandfather's brand new brick home being bombed on what infamously became known as "Dynamite Hill" in Birmingham's Smithfield community. A community made up of working class black folk seeking a better life and having the Kland decide that they'd bomb and burn these homes. I guess these individuals felt that only the shotgun houses across the tracks were fitting for black folk.

As I grew older I became more radical in my political thinking and embraced the Black Power philosophies of Angela Davis and other icons of the Black Power Movement. Yet, I never lost my sense of history and memory of my earlier experiences with the more moderate civil rights organizations like the NAACP.  I can still remember my mother's words, "never burn the bridges that brought you across". There was a time in the not so distant past when the NAACP was one of those  bridges.

I write this to remind myself first,  and hopefully to remind others that we must cherish our historical black institutions that were there when we were denied access to most mainstream institutions; be they public accommodations or institutions of higher learning. Because we now have full access to most public and many private spaces, far too many of us no longer patronize black businesses, we no longer live in historically black communities, even our HBCU's are little more than an after thought in our selection of schools. As a result, many historically black communities are blighted because of black flight. In addition, there is debate as to whether we even need HBCUs in a post-racial era.

Yes, we must demand more of the NAACP and other organizations that purport to represent the interests of people of color. In addition to demanding more, we must become actively involved ourselves. If not with the NAACP, with some organized social or political cause that meets our needs and where we can lend our talent and expertise.

Even though the NAACP threw Mrs. Sherrod under the bus, let's take the high road and not throw its historical legacy out with its dirty bath water.

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Stuff on My Mind

I have been neglecting my blog posts in favor of creating YouTube Videos. Another creative outlet that I have discovered in the Third Chapter of life. Being a very visual person and loving music, it's a medium that I enjoy manipulating. Also, I've been rendered speechless by much of what has been going in the world of late. Nevertheless, there are a few issues that have cause me to rant or at least sit up and take notice.

Here we go:


HEALTH CARE REFORM AND PRESIDENT OBAMA:


Health care reform has produced craziness that I think no one could have imagined. Accusations of death panels and that America is heading toward socialism. Comparing our Commander and Chief to Hitler. Of course there have been loud cries of racism from even unlikely corners; former president Jimmy Carter. Though I believe race is indeed a common thread it is not the only issue. What we are seeing has more to do with the constant battle between the half and have nots. Meaningful health care reform is an attempt to reduce health disparities. Let's be clear, the legislation will not reduce the cost of health care. That would require radical regulation of the both the insurance and pharmaceutical industries. Of course this is not going to happen. Too many people have benefited financially on both sides of the legislative isle.

If the bill passes without the Public Option there really is no reform. It's just business as usual. Millions will continue to be locked out of the opportunity to have quality and affordable health care. In the meantime, we must exercise agency over our own health. Though not a panacea, eating right, exercise and believe it or not, reducing the number of toxic relationships you have will all aid in improving your quality of health and overall quality of life. When you don't have your health, nothing else really matters.


CUSTOMER SERVICE:

You would think in a time of high unemployment that customer service would improve because businesses would value your return patronage. Not. There seems to be an epidemic of rudeness. People in these positions take themselves too serious rather than the jobs they are doing and the people that keep them with a job. Now this does not refer to all, there are exceptions. However, we know the bar has been greatly lowered when we are in awe of the clerk or cashier when they ask us if we found everything we needed or if they speak to us in pleasant tone, rather than the gruff, what the hell do you want tone we so often hear.

My dollars are too hard to come by. I expect the person waiting on me to at least pretend that they like me as I'm handing them my hard earned money. When I leave you can call me whatever you want. I think many would agree that customer service has almost become an ugly word.


Tiger Woods-

Am I the only one who feels like, enough already on the TW. Tiger is a rich, nerd, dummy. Yeah I said it. He might be the best in golf, but he has failed miserably in the game of life and relationships. I don't go along with the whole sex addict thing, but clearly dude's got major issues.

Tiger has some valuable lessons to learn and sadly his wife and children will have to attend the classes with him. Tiger thought his honorary white boy status would protect him. Not. As one writer said, Tiger is the new O.J. He was allowed acceptance into main stream culture and afforded all the perks, including a "nice" blond girl (OTFL) and he showed his natural born Caublasian ass (it's rumored literally). For this my dear boy you will have to pay the price.

Tiger, I don't know if the black community will allow you to come home in that:  a) you never embraced your blackness and b) some claim black women are mad because you didn't cheat with any of us. Now I disagree with this.  Sisters, this is one hot mess we should be thankful we were left out of.

At the end of the day, Tiger, his wife and all his jump offs will be just fine. Everybody will get a least one check to clear. Now the rest of ua must return to more pressing matters, such youth violence, homelessness, foreclosures, health care access and our children's ability to compete in a global economy.


Obama's Approval Rating:

Lastly, I want to speak on the drop in approval ratings for President Obama. Many of you may have heard that even the Congressional Black Caucus is giving Obama grief. My comments on this issue are brief.

Liberals, blacks you were not listening. The man has done exactly what he said he would do. He has made changes. Now is it change you can believe in? The verdict is still out on that one.

Let's look closely:

1) Obama said he would strategically pull troops from Iraq and refocus efforts and military force in Afghanistan. This is what he did.

2) It was only when faced with the possibility of loosing due to Jeremiah Wright did Obama remotely address the issue of race. He has portrayed himself consistently as transcending race. Let's face it, Obama probably would have won with or with black folk. He must now repay the folk who provided him with the cheddar to get in office. More importantly, he does have to function as a servant of all the people, of which black people make up only 12%.

3) We must not be naive enough to think a man of any race, not to mention mixed- African heritage would have risen to the level of president if the establishment thought for one millisecond that he was going to actually challenge the status quo.

Let me be clear, I still maintain the highest level of respect for the president and the historical, cultural and sociological significance of his presidency. I do believe that this is indeed his time and his divine assignment at this epoch in human history. And last, but certainly not least, special kudos to the First Lady of the United States, who continues to shine as a beacon of class, intellect and an excellent representation of black womanhood and the black family unit. We love you Mrs. Obama.

Well I feel lighter having had the chance to share some stuff that's been on my mind. Hope we can engage in mutual dialogue.

Until next time, love, peace and hair grease.


AkaziaJ

I remember in my mid-twenties a family member telling me I should be ashamed of myself for something I'd said. I quickly responded, "I have never done anything that I am ashamed of. I am proud to say that some 23 years later I still have the same feeling. I have no regrets about the life I have lived or the choices I've made. Now don't get me wrong, there are choices that I made that when I look back I realize I could have possibly been more willing to compromise or more open to hearing another point of view. But at the end of the day, as old "blue eyes" would say, “I Did It My Way."

Of course doing it my way didn't come cheap. I have the bumps and bruises to prove it. I paid the cost to be the boss. What I know for sure, is that every person and every experience that comes into our lives has the potential to serve our higher good if we allow it. The problem often is we are so caught up in what is happening or appears to be happening that we miss the magic and the lesson of the moment. Now having lived a half century, I have learned how to except the bitter with the sweet and keep it moving. When I reflect back, not with regret, but bought and paid for wisdom and maturity I know I wasted a lot of time and energy on things and people that were not worthy of my time and talents. I also, know that in my often self-righteous stance, yes, I can be self-righteous at times, but I'm getting better: I now know that I could have been more willing to cut the other person a little slack. About six years ago I read a great book called, The Four Agreements by Ron Miguel Ruiz. Simply put, the four agreements are as follows: 1) Be Impeccable with Your Word 2) Don't Take Anything Personally 3) Don't Make Assumptions 4) Always Do Your Best. Without previously having a name for it or a conceptual framework, this was and is how I've lived most of my life. Which I suppose, has allowed me to live without regret. Now I must confess agreement # 2 is a really hard one on the road of life. However, once you understand that what most people are reacting to is not about you, but instead their own hopes, wishes and fears it becomes a bit easier. What I know for sure is that it is vitally important that we managed our emotions. Manage being different from controlling. When we manage our emotions, we allow them to flow, yet we are keenly aware of their impact on us personally and possibly the impact they may have on others. Given the fact that by nature I am a person of extremes; either very hot or very cold, I've learned to keep my emotional thermostat at room temperature. This allows me to manage my emotions quite well in that I tend not to go too far in either direction. Unfortunately, Queen Peri-menopause has come along and threatened to throw my emotional and body thermostat completely off course. As a result, it is much more challenging to maintain that room temperature. Nevertheless, I work on it every day. Some days I get it right and some days I surrender to the Universe and Queen menopause and pray that none of my family, friends or colleagues have taken anything I've said or done personally. (The Second Agreement).

Initially, upon turning 50, I was feeling a bit uneasy. You see the day after I turned 50, Michael Jackson died suddenly. Then there was Billy Mays and most recently E. Lynn Harris. They say there is nothing to remind you about your own mortality more than seeing those in your age or peer group make their transition. For a brief time I found it all so unsettling. I was asking myself, what's up with all the 50 something people passing away. However, recently, I was listening to the video of blog of Cassandra McShepard (fashion designer for the late Phyllis Hyman). Cassandra made the statement that "death reminds us to live". That statement resonated for me. I realized that what I was witnessing was my wake up call to be even more on purpose about my physical and emotional well being. To protect my body temple from the crown of my head to the soles of my fit. I realized that I was literally in a fight for my very life. If I am not absolutely on purpose about how I live The Third Chapter of my life I could find myself in serious trouble. Now though I am very conscious about my eating, nutritional and herbal supplements, I'm a bit of a slacker when it comes to exercise regiment. As a result of having lost about 25lbs last two years, I'm feeling like I don't look too bad for a grandmother of 50. Confession, I've been a slacker on the exercise. This is where I will have to put in the work. If I am not absolutely on purpose about this issue of moving and exercise, I could find myself for the first time in my life, with huge regrets. Okay, I've put it out there and now I have to be accountable not only to myself but to my blog readers as well. Stay on me; I want you to, really.

After years of self-work and some professional therapy I can see myself and others so much more clear. I absolutely love and adore the wise woman I am becoming. I step into this Third Chapter of life wiser, more relaxed, more willing to listening, able to go with the flow, whatever the flow may be. I'm realizing that at this stage of life, the only person that I am even remotely in charge of is me. Time to really exhale. Everyone is on their own personal journey toward wholeness and no one but God has the right or the responsibility to interfere with that process. I plan to ride this thing call life still the wheels come off. A wise woman once said, "Death will have to find me". When the Creator calls my number, I hope to be laughing, dancing and if I'm really lucky getting down right naughty with a fine young man that is at least 10 years my junior. LOL.

Non, je regreette rien- I Have No Regrets.

Phyllis Hyman: A 13 Song Playlist for You

Dedicated to Phyllis Hyman fans.

Happy 60th Birthday to the Late Phyllis Hyman

Had Phyllis Hyman been alive today she would have turned 60 years old, July 6, 2009. Her life was cut short by a myriad of complex issues that we can only speculate about and that were probably even unclear to Phyllis herself. I have been a true Phyllis Hyman fan for over 20 years. Throughout this piece I will refer to Phyllis Hyman as simply, PH. Her sultry contralto voice has ushered me through break ups and feelings of being head over heels in love. Songs such as Living All Alone, Old Friend and my all time favorite, You Just Don't Know.

I always felt a connection to Phyllis, we share the same zodiac sign, Cancer. Yes, sweet but very complex and extremely sensitive. Through the literary genius of biographer, Jason A. Michael, who I feel has written the definitive and what may come to be the only biography written about PH, combined with countless hours of reviewing interviews, I have come to believe we share much more. Like Phyllis, I have a weakness for the cafe' au late, pretty boys with facial hair and dreamy eyes. We shared the tendency to speak our minds and live out our convictions even when it might be to our own personal detriment. We stand steadfast to our perceived truths. We also shared the often painful experience of seemingly not quite getting it right with intimate relationships. Our inability to compromise or settle and more important, our fears often being at the "heart" of the matter.

On a more deeper and personal level, we both shared the dark demons of clinical depression. Phyllis was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. I thank the Universe, family and friends and my unwavering commitment to living in a new way, for the fact that I have not had a clinical episode in 20 years. However, I still take one day at a time.

As a side bar I'd like to note that there is no medical test to determine a chemical imbalance in the brain. The diagnosis is based solely on a series of behavior traits outlined in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM): unlike the tests we have for diabetes, cancer and high blood pressure. As a result of bad brain chemistry gone a muck, there are large numbers of people going around under and over medicated. Now before anyone starts to slam me, I am in no way suggesting that if you are taking medication and it is working for you that you stop. However, I am saying that in my opinion, we are not born with faulty brain chemistry and that there needs to be more emphasis given to the environmental factors that contribute to depression and other mental illnesses. Please excuse me while I step down from my soapbox, clearly I digressed.

PH and I also shared an intuitive quality that is characteristic of many born under the sign of Cancer. We tend to feel the pain of others and to take that pain very personally, often to our own detriment. PH experienced several loses: her grandmother, then mom and a personal friend within the span of a few months. In addition, she was keenly aware and troubled by the plight of the world in general and the black community in particular. She also had serious financial problems, many due to her own poor judgment and addiction. The IRS was one of her debtors. Despite the focus on PH being an uncontrollable diva, she was at her core a very giving and compassionate person.

As most of PH's loyal fans know, she took her life on June 30, 1995, 6 days before her 46th birthday. Many have speculated as to the reason for her suicide; anywhere from mental illness, substance abuse, not receiving her just due in the music industry, failed intimate relationships, weight gain, the list goes on. Best guess says it was all this and more. Many question why didn't Phyllis get help, why didn't she take medication, why didn't her friends and family intervene. The challenges PH faced were extremely complex and intricately linked. Not only was there the possibility of losing her creative muse by taking mind numbing medications, she also was the breadwinner for a staff of people. Though I don't know this to be fact, I doubt if Phyllis had a nice health insurance plan that afforded her the luxury of an extensive stay in rehab. Please note that according to her biography, she was in short-term rehab several times. The time off from the road and the financial resources to get the help she needed just weren't there. PH saw suicide as the only way out and that it was her choice to make. In her suicide note, she simply said, "I'm tired".

Author and journalist, Jill Nelson recently offered a commentary regarding the untimely death of musical genius Michael Jackson and his possible drug addiction/lethal overdose. She states: "When you are in pain, excruciating pain(emotional or physical) drugs are your friends. Sometimes the only ones you have. I honestly believe human beings DO have a finite limit on the amount of pain they can withstand at any given moment or period of time, and no other person can tell another what their limit is, should be or how long that pain should be endured" (http://www.niaonline.com/ggmsblog/?m=200906).

Those who knew PH personally and those of us who came to know her through her music still mourn the lost of one of the great vocal divas of the twentieth century. While she may not have experienced the records sales, she joins the ranks of great vocal divas such as Bessie Smith, Billie Holiday, Sarah Vaughn and Minnie Ripperton. Thanks to the TV One series Unsung: The Phyllis Hyman Story, a new generation of music lovers haven been introduced to the musical genius of PH.

While I applaud the effort, I personally felt that Unsung failed to capture PH in all her diversity. Instead, TV One and the Hyman Estate, it would appear opted to focus on her emotional pathologies, rather than the kind, complex and yes emotionally troubled individual she was. Absent was the mention of her strong social, racial and gender consciousness and her belief in black economic empowerment. The fact that PH gave her time, star status and resources for HIV/AIDS activism and for the rights of women and the GLBT community. For those interested in a more holistic view of who PH was, please purchase Jason A. Michael's biography, Strength of a Woman: The Phyllis Hyman Story.

As we celebrate the birthday and musical legacy of Phyllis Linda Hyman, we can best honor her life and her untimely death by being vigilant in maintaining our physical and emotional well being and reaching out to those around us who may be crying out. Be a true friend, don't wait until your sister or brother friend burst into flames before you notice they are in trouble. Remember to take time out of each day to rejuvenate your spirit. Be it prayer, meditation, exercise, whatever works for you. Lastly, remember the body temple is one perfect unit connected to both the inner and outer cosmos. Be careful how you treat your mind, body and spirit. Love yourself and that love will radiate to others. Glenda Gracia, Phyllis' manager and sister friend stated that it was not that Phyllis didn't know that she was loved, it was Phyllis' inability to love herself. Gracia goes on to say that if you cannot love yourself unconditionally then you will not be able to fully give or receive love. (Paraphrased from Strength of a Woman).

Phyllis Linda Hyman on this your 60th birthday we honor your musical legacy and your life serves as a blue print for how to live and how not to live. May the readers of this posting see it as a declaration of the will to survive in spite of our circumstances.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY... R.I.P.

An Ode to Phyllis Linda Hyman

In Loving Memory

July 6, 1949- June 30, 1995

(This ode was written on the day after Phyllis's death)


Your smokey voice helped me through so many rough times. You gave me understanding of love lost and found, you reminded me "What You Won't Do for Love".

I know you must be singing in heaven with the other divas: Bessie, Sara, Billie and Minnie. All sisters taken away too soon by the bitter sweet of life that asks too much and gave too little. It must be like a gathering of
"Old Friends".

Your intense eyes, full lips and voluptuous six-foot Goddess stature left men wanting and dreamy eyed. You had them "Under Your Spell".

Your lyrics reflect both the joy and pain of love. I so wish you had found true love "Somewhere in Your Life Time".

Now you're gone at age 45, just at the peak of realizing your worth and possibilities.
"You Were in the Prime of Your Life".


On June 30, 1995, you chose to removed yourself from this earthly plane. Life got to be too much, you
"Just "Couldn't Take It Anymore".

Missing was a true sister and brother circle to hold and protect you when the going got tough. Someone to insure you got the help and support you needed. Someone to say,
"This Too Shall Pass Away"

You sang such sad songs of love. Always searching for someone to love you, but never really learning to love the person within. "The Answer Was You".

So long Phyllis, we love you and we honor you. " You Refused to Be Lonely". May you now find comfort in the arms of God. As long as we speak your name and play your music your legacy and shining spirit will live on.

* copyright 1996 all rights reserved.

Take the Phyllis Hyman (PH) Triva Quiz

1. What was the name of the neighborhood where Phyllis grew up?

2. In what southern state does PH have ancestral roots?

3. Who is Phyllis named for?

4. PH is from a family of 7. What is her birth order?

5. What is the name of the music teacher that first discovered and cultivated PH's musical talent?

6. What was the name of PH's first boyfriend?

7. Who is the jazz musician that gave PH her first successful recording?/What was the title of the song?

8. What was the name of the band PH started in Miami?

9. What record label was PH signed with at the time of her death?

10. What female jazz vocalist had the greatest influence on PH?

11.What famous guitarist played with Phyllis in the early days?

12. True or False - Vocal stylist, Rachelle Ferrel sang backup vocals for PH.

13. What astrological sign was PH born under?

14. Name the song writer that penned the tune "Living All Alone"?

15. Name the 1989 movie where PH played a singer and prostitute?

16. What Steven Spielberg movie was PH considered for a role in?/What character?

17. True or False - PH was offered $100,000 to perform in apartheid South Africa in the 80's and she refused.

18. Name the designer that created PH's signature fashion look?

19. What is the name of PH's former husband?

20. What were the three haunting words found in PH's suicide note?

21. What was the major humanitarian cause that PH contributed her time, talent and resources to?

Answers:

1) St. Clair Village 2) North Carolina 3) Her father, Phillip Hyman 4) The oldest
5) David Tamburri 6) Richard Wall 7) Norman Connors/"Betcha By Golly Wow
8) The PH Factor 9) P.I.R 10) Nancy Wilson 11) Hiram Bullock 12) True
13) Cancer 14) Cynthia Biggs 15) The Kill Reflex 16) The Color Purple, in the role of Shugg Avery 17) True 18) Cassandra McShepard 19) Larry Alexander 20) "I'm tired". 21) HIV/AIDS

* Primary source: Biography- (Strength of a Woman- Jason A. Michael 2007).

Turning 50 and Traveling Lite/Light

I approach this posting with tremendous gratitude for a life that so far has been filled with tremendous opportunity and blessings. As I approach 24 June 1959: twelve midnight, a half a century ago. WOW! It's more than I can wrap my brain around. A life that can best be described as a roller coaster ride of the Third Kind. I have seen tremendous highs and experienced lows that I thought I would never recover from. Yet, with God's amazing Grace and the kindness of Angels that the Universe has sent my way I approach this day wiser,stronger and a better human being. Be sure to checkout the video clips highlighted throughout this post.

In my youth, I never imagined myself living long. Maybe 50, 52 at the most. Who knows what the future holds. However, as I step into 50, I have a tremendous desire to live. I have (2) beautiful grandsons who I absolutely adore. It is my desire to see these boys grow to become exceptional men among men. I take one day at time, knowing that each day is another opportunity to witness Grace realized and another chance to get it right.

What I know for sure is that none of us gets out this life alive. I'm living every moment like it is absolutely Golden. I'm traveling lite. Leaving the baggage behind. Whomever has hurt me or I perceived has hurt me in their quest for self-actualization is forgiven in full as God has forgiven me. For those who I may have hurt with my actions or words, please know that hurt or harm was never my intention. One thing that I know for sure is that every person and event has the potential to serve my higher good if I let it. Turning 50 and traveling lite means just that. No baggage, (Bag Lady be gone) no pain. Just pure Joy. I know that there is only One Presence, One Power: God the Good, the Omnipotent, the Omniscient, the Omnipresent. Everything else is a manifestation of my own faulty thinking. My E.G.O. ( Easy God Out).

As I navigate through this 50th year, I want to be more selective in how I choose to use my time, talents and energy. Careful about the people I allow to occupy my time, energy and space. These days I live for Love Alone.

Though the essence of true unconditional love from that special man has not found me as yet, I give thanks for all the wonderful men who have come into my life and taught me so much. I'd like to give a special thanks to my former husband who gave me a wonder son who has went on to become my greatest teacher. (Love you Nico). A special thanks to the late, Reginald Renaldo Williams for guiding me through my mid-life journey. R.I.P., I love you baby. Mad props to the late Brother Jahti Jackson Maasai for showing me what a real warrior King looks like.

As I move forward... My desire is to listen more and talk less. I hope my life reflects a life that has been spent in service to others; especially our youth. Though my journey has not yielded a lot of material success, I thank God for a life well lived. A life spent in service to humanity and for the cause of social, economic and environmental justice. GREEN FOR ALL!!!

As I move forward it is my hope that I will continue to serve humanity and provide wisdom to the young. None of us gets out this journey alive. I'm going to ride this thing called life until the wheels fall off. In the meantime, I'm FABULOUS, 50 and traveling L.I.T.E. (Loving, Inspired, Tenacious and Enduring). Keeping the faith and sharing light and love.

Wishing you love and best Intentions, AkaziaJ (a.k.a. junee').

The Objectification of Black Women: From Michelle Obama to Lil' Kim

It has been a minute since I posted a blog. I have been listening more to what others have to say. I feel that being a good listener is critical to being a good writer. It was my hope that this post would be brief, however, I must say that when the Divine touches my pineal gland, thoughts and words rapidly flow to the tips of fingers and on to the keyboard. Let me begin by acknowledging that I am well aware that women in general are objectified and that black men are objectified as well. The focus here is on black women. I would also like to point out that black women have made significant strides in all areas; home, work and community. That said, sit back and take this ride with me.


Now I know many of you may immediately become alarmed that I am using Michelle Obama and Lil' Kim in the same sentence. However, we must give Lil' Kim her props, she brought it on DWTS. In fact, it was LK that inspired me to write this blog post. Lil' Kim played the Becky (White girl) role to the max. She had the language, the gestures and even the misty doe eyed Barbie look. Yet, in spite of this and the fact that she did a great job to have not had prior ballroom dancing experience, she was still reduced to raw sex appeal and the girl with the "bionic booty". Yes, Lil' Kim has in large part has been duplicitous in this objectification of black women, but we will speak to internalized oppression later.

From FLOTUS ( First Lady of the US) to Lil' Kim black women are seen as sexualized beings, rather than the complex, multifaceted human beings that we are. Even the FLOTUS, despite being Princeton and Harvard educated, a loving mother and devoted wife can not escape an obsession with her biceps and buttocks. Many would argue that the feminization of the first lady is a welcomed change from what usually happens with black women. While I too celebrate the fact that Michelle has chosen to focus on her role as loving wife and mother, I think the media in some way trivializes her role when they focus almost exclusively on what she's wearing and if she is showing her arms. By the way, loved CAC's (Commander and Chief) joke about the FLOTUS right to "bare arms".

Historically, black women have been objectified and dehumanized. Archetype female representations such as Jezebel, Sapphire and more recently compliments of "hip hop", stank hoe, chicken head, gold digger etc. It is true that white women are equally objectified, however, their images tend to be that of virtuous, pure and even slightly frigid, while black women have been portrayed as innately promiscuous, seductive, alluring or lewd.

One of the most heinous examples of the sexual objectification of black womanhood was seen in the 19th century with Saartjie Baartman, The Hottentot Venus. Put on display in a circus for her large buttocks and labia, the Hottentot Venus could not escape sexual objectification and humiliation even in death; her skeleton, genitals and and brain were placed on display in a Paris museum until 1974. Upon his election as president of SA in 1994, Nelson Mandela petitioned the French government to have her remains returned. Baartman was returned to her homeland of South Africa in 2002.

Women's suffragist, Sojourner Truth asked in the 19th century, "Ain't I a Woman". It was only recently that the works and deeds of this inspiring leader of women of all races was honored with a bust of her likeness that will be displayed at Emancipation Hall at our nation's capitol. It is also worth noting that it is the first image of a black woman to grace our nation's Capitol.

Venus and Serena Williams, the best in the world of tennis bar none in my humble opinion are constantly referred to by their brute force and of course Serena's ass. Seldom does anyone mention that these talented women are also entrepreneurs and are fluent in several languages. The most of what we hear aside from the physical/sexual presence is that they grew up on the mean streets of Crenshaw in LA.

To think that the first woman to win a best actress academy award was Halle Berry for Monsters Ball. Berry played a tricked out grief stricken, drug addicted mother, who look to Billy Bob Thornton to make her "feel good" in a very sexually explicit down right trashy sex scene. This is in no way intended to demean or minimize the talents of Ms. Berry, however, I argue this was not her best performance. But it fed into the historical stereotypes of black womanhood.

Sadly, the sexual objectification is most prevalent in some facets of hip hop music. Far too many music videos and rap lyrics are laced with misogynistic representations that further perpetuate negative stereotypes of black womanhood. As I stated earlier some black women have been duplicitous in this sexual objectification. Lil Kim along with fellow female rappers like Remy Ma and Foxy Brown to a name a few. These misguided young sisters believe that they are hip-hop feminists in that they are claiming their sexuality. Lil' Kim has so internalized her oppression at the hands of mainstream America as well as the world of hip-hop that she has mutilated herself with surgery and skin bleaching to the point that she is almost unrecognizable as her former self. LK and MJ could indeed be the poster children for self-hatred and internalized oppression.

Most recently, we see the talented Ciara in a music video with none other than I knew nothing about the "wardrobe malfunction" - Justice Timberlake. As black people have spent our whole life trying to break the chains of white oppression and now a black woman is allowing a white boy to sexually objectify her in her own video. You draw your own conclusion, check out the article and video Love, Sex and Magic . Not to appear to pick on Ciara, I must say that lady Beyonce' needs to balance her act as well. I have no objection to the celebration of the female black body in all it's beauty. All I'm saying is "Back That Thang Up".

While I strongly believe in personal responsibility, I must also acknowledge that white men still control the distribution of what we see and hear on the air ways. Nevertheless, as a community and one of the largest
U. S. consumer groups, we can collectively change our images by not buying or supporting products that demean our people as whole and our most priceless jewel, our women.

Well, as I rap up my latest rant, I close by simply saying, we've come a long way from the out house to the white house, and we've still got a long way to go.

African Americans in the Obama Administration: The Brown Paper Bag Test

Now I know with the state of the economy and US foreign policy there probably are a lot more important things I could be writing about. Well I figure there are enough bloggers out there to keep up on those issues. I've held off on writing this piece for about a month now. Yet, it still had a nagging presence and I just had to get it off my chest.

Has anyone else noticed that the hand full of African Americans Obama has selected for post within the administration, all pass the brown paper bag test. In case there might be one or two white people reading this or some black person who has really been sheltered, see the urban dictionary's definition of brown paper bag test. The long and short of it is , back in the olden days and maybe even today, if you were darker than a brown paper bag you were not considered an acceptable member of the black elite. Of course there were exceptions: Madame C. J. Walker, a self- made millionaire broke through the intra-racial color barrier. We all know enough money can get you pretty much anything you want. Remember Pele' bought himself white racial status in Brazil. The phenomenon is even present in Atlanta politics. Despite the fact the city has had a black mayor since the 1970's, there has never been a dark skinned mayor. Maynard Jackson, Andrew Young, Bill Campbell and Shirley Franklin all easily pass the brown paper bag test.

But back to the matter at hand. As I look at the African Americans that have been appointed to prominent positions; I'm not talking about the brother who shoots hoops and was his personal assistant on the campaign trail. I'm talking about the real movers and shakers. Let's run down the list: Eric Holder
(Attorney General), Melody Barnes (Domestic Policy Advis0r), Valerie Jarrett (White House Senior Advisor), Rob Nabors (OMB Director), Susan Rice (Foreign Policy Adviser), Lisa Jackson ( Director of EPA), Desiree Rogers (White House Social Secretary). All of these individual fall in to the category of light or at least brown skinned. Definitely passing the brown paper bag test. If I missed a Kwame Kilpatrick kind of dark skinned person please bring it to my attention.

I know by now you are yelling at me saying, "but his wife is dark skinned. Yeah that's right. He indeed selected a highly educated, chocolate sister with strong ties to the Chicago community, which certainly didn't hurt in giving him the "hood cred" he needed to build his political career on the Southside of Chicago. Which makes this seeming slight of more darker skinned African Americans for his cabinet even more disturbing. It can't be said that in 2009 dark skinned blacks aren't just as smart and educationally advanced as lighter skinned blacks. So what's up. Could this be a part of the post-racial, Obama era. Is it necessary that Obama appoint individuals to his cabinet who like him, are not perceived as threatening to white people as darker skinned blacks. Could it be that we are not as advanced as we would like to think. There were a lot a people who weren't feeling Michelle in the beginning. They wanted to paint her as the angry black women and anti-American. Now since she's the First Lady, they obsessed over her sleeveless arms and her taste in fashion: all but kissing her black ass.

Now I know many of your are saying that the light skinned/dark skinned debate is antiquated and reflects narrow thinking. In a perfect world where race and representation all shared an equal playing field, I would be in full agreement. However, there are studies that suggest that internalized racism is alive and well even in our children. Kiri Davis, a seventeen- year old film student demonstrated this in her "doll test" , the test was a recreation of the doll test performed in the 1950's by husband and white psychologist, Kenneth and Mamie Clark. The 2006 doll study had results that were similar to the 1950's study. The children thought the white dolls were prettier and preferred playing with the white dolls rather than the black dolls. A more recent ABC study done post-Obama shows the numbers closer and that a broader range of ethnicities.

Nevertheless, young children's views of power and beauty still seemed to be shaped by the perception that the white person is the person most likely to be in charge or to be rich. Our youth still believe that to excel academically or speak the King's English means you are "acting white". So in spite of Oprah, Obama, Ben Carson, Beyonce, and Jay Z, internalized racism still exists. What message does it send to our children who now believe they can become president, when they look at the staff of the Commander and Chief and there is not a single dark skinned face in the bunch. Am I jumping to conclusions? Being just plain petty, or could Obama actually be " color struck" to borrow a term from Zora Neal Hurston. I welcome your feedback.

Thoughts on Death and Dying

My last remaining blood elder pass away several months ago. She was my moms only sister. My mom passed away about 10 year ago. While of course it's always sad for the survivors for a love one to transition, the person is in a better place in every regard. And as we stand on the nadir of our economic and possibly social and moral epoch, I feel certain that Aunt Clay is in a better place.

They often say that weddings and funerals bring out the worst in family members; for this reason as a rule I attend neither weddings or funerals. Of course when it's a close relative it's kind of hard to avoid. The rest of my family made its way to B'ham and are prepared for the pomp and circumstance of a funeral. My Aunt has requested a grave side service. I don't what this means, but anyway. I waited for the roads to clear up because there had been horrible storms here in Atlanta and neighboring Alabama.

My dislike of funerals is rooted in my childhood when it seems I attend so many funerals of people that were really important in my life. It would always leave a deep sadness within me. The process itself seemed morbid. Of course as a young child I lacked the vocabulary to articulate my dislike for the process. More importantly, as a child, nobody gave a damn about what you might be feeling. You just went along with the process and kept whatever it was you were feeling safely locked within your inner sanctum.

I don't attend weddings for somewhat different reasons but in some ways the same reasons. I married at 19 and the wedding felt like a fairy tale. Of course there is always the day after and the day after that. I remember crying at my sisters wedding who married several years after I did. At first I attributed my tears to the fact that I was about 4 months pregnant at the time. Later I would realized that it was because I felt a profound sense of disappointment from my own experience, that a day that can start out so beautiful can go oh so wrong. Her fairy tale lasted much longer than mine, but the end result was still the same. The Prince eventually turned into a frog.

I digress. Back to the issue of death and dying. I have come to realize that the grieving process is a very selfish process. Instead of our viewing death as a natural progression of living those of us left view it as abandonment. We think mostly of ourselves. Our unfinished business with the person or our guilt that we didn't do more or that we didn't say all we wanted to say. Well thankfully, I have a very different idea. I try each day to show those who I profess to love, love in action. Now of course none of us can love the way folk think we should love. We can only love within our capacity. Some of us have a capacity so wide and consuming that it can literally suffocate the receiver. Others of us are so emotionally detached from our authentic feelings that it's almost impossible to love another person because we don't love ourselves. Of course there is another kind of person, who is so self-absorbed that it is difficult for the person to see beyond their own self interest and needs. All of us possess the potential to be any of these types. It's finding the balance that allows us to love healthy and be fully present for the object of our love without being over baring.

When I leave this earthly plane it is my desire that I sleep away quietly without fanfare and hopefully limited or no pain. I don't want a funeral or that those left behind to feel sorry for me and more important to feel sorry for themselves. I hope they will know that I lived a full life with plenty of laughter and joy. That I always saw the glass as half full no matter how difficult things got. That they will know that even as I breathe my last breath I visualized a world of laughter, dancing and love.

And so it is.

Black Love in the White House

In the absence of black love on movie screens, music videos and magazines, there is black love. At a time when it is more likely to find a real representation of a unicorn than black love, black love is in full effect in the most unlikely place: the White House. President Obama and his beautiful wife Michelle bring black love into full view for all to see. Many European Americans seem to think that black love has never existed. Their reference for black love or the absence of black love is framed by slavery and more recently the often misogynistic representations seen in rap music videos.

For those of us who still have memory of when momma and daddy loved each other, when daddy would give mom a kiss on the cheek or a pat on the rear as he went off to work, black love is not a novelty. However, for many African Americans and main stream America, the Cosby Show was the first glimpse of black love within families. Not since Cosby and Phylicia Rashad has there been such a positive representation of black love and relationships. The blessing is that, Mr. President and the first Lady are not characters on a TV screen. They are real people, who know the price one must pay to maintain family, profession and now the highest office in the land.

The first family offers the opportunity to deconstruct the view of black male/ female relationships and to transform the meaning and representation of black love. President Obama seems to have the ability to step outside his position of power and give props to the mother of his children and his life partner. The Obamas appear to have loved themselves beyond their respective Ivy League degrees, and career accomplishments to find a Love Supreme. This is indeed a revolutionary act.

President Obama and Mrs. Obama present a new vision of love, not just black love, but for all America. The first lady acknowledges that theirs is not a perfect marriage, but that they share a commitment to making it work. In photo after photo we see the Obamas with a look of love, respect and mutual admiration that is hard to fake. There is no doubt that there will be plenty of love and love making between the sheets at 1700 Pennsylvania Avenue for the next four years.


As the first family navigates its way through the next four or hopefully eight years, we must keep them in our prayers and intentions that their union will continue to grow stronger with each passing day and each new challenge, and that at the end of the Presidency, they will be more in love than ever. I dedicate this song by Oleta Adams to Mr. & Mrs. Obama. "Just Before I Go to Sleep".

There are many examples of black love all around us. We only need shut off the negative images of black relationships that bombard us and look around us to our parents, sisters and brothers and friends who have shared a union of black love for 25-50 years or more. Is black love easy, of course not; nothing worth having ever is. Yet if we are to rescue the souls of our children from consumerism, narcissism, and greed, love with be the healing balm that will re-unite and heal our families, our communities and our nation.

BLACK LOVE IN FULL EFFECT!

50th Virtual Birthday Bash!!!

Dear Friends:

I need your help in creating a world wide day of celebration for folk born June 24, 1959. We turn 50 this year. While sipping a little Chardonnay I thought what fun it would be to create a virtual birthday bash for people celebrating their 50th birthday this year around the world.

Using the power and reach of the Internet, all I ask is that you circulate this message among your many social and personal networks. Have folk email me and give their input as we Cancerians recognize a half century of loving, laughing and living. My goals is to create a network of folk who want to create a vision for our shared celebration.

Emails to: divagodd6@yahoo.com. Let's get this party started!!!

Etta James and Beyonce: No Fool Like and Old Fool

There's "no fool like an old fool" and "imitation is the highest form of flattery" are phrases I have heard throughout my childhood. However, I never thought it would be attached to some of the greatest icons of music. The most recent in this chain of fools appears to be the legendary singer Etta James (At Last). I thought someone was kidding when I first heard the blurb that she was threatening to "whip Beyonce's ass" and exclaiming that "the guy with the big ears was not her president". Etta were your meds not adjusted that day or did they take your common sense along with the pounds of fat from your weight loss surgery?

I'm baffled and a bit embarrassed in that I considered women like Etta James to be part of the generation that is suppose be the keepers of integrity, pride and common sense. James has joined the ranks of Aretha Franklin; you remember how she spewed hateration at Beyonce', who seemingly innocently referred to Tina Turner as the Queen on an awards show. Prior to that outburst, there was Jennifer Holiday hattin’ on Jennifer Hudson for singing " her song", I'm Not Going. Someone should make a video called "Old Divas Gone Wild", featuring Aretha Franklin, Jennifer Holiday and Etta James. Did I leave anyone out?

I challenge these ladies who clearly must be bitter as hell despite the fact that they are respected and revered by people around the world. Nobody can sing R.E.S.P.E.C.T. like the Queen of Soul, but that doesn't mean it isn't room on the throne for other Queens. Etta, Aretha and Jennifer Holiday get over yourselves. I only hope that Beyonce’ and the youngins’ will take a lesson from all this. They live in a time when they don't have the luxury of being the "it girl" for 15 or 20 years. In today's fast pace, short memory society you're the "it girl in the morning and Rhinanna has replaced you by the afternoon. If you notice, there is a new King or Queen of Hip-Hop every year. Luckily these young people understand the nature of the game. They either step aside or keep raising the bar so that who ever steps up to take their reign will have to bring it. They invoke a "ride a die" attitude to their craft that I applaud. Now don't get me wrong, they have their share of beefs between artists, however, it's usually more about creating hype to sell more records than anything else.

As for the "old fools" who let all of their stuff show (sometimes literally... ReeRee). I ask you to take a lesson from the "Timeless" Miss. Patti LaBelle. Though forever and a day, I will always think of LaBelle when I hear Lady Mamalade, Miss.Patti was not only the epitome of class and grace when Christina Aguilera, Little Kim and Mya performed the song in what I think was one of the worst musicals I've ever watched, Moulin Rouge. (Please note that my feelings about the movie are not a reflection on the performance of Aguilera, Little Kim and Mya). Miss. LaBelle applauded the sisters and encouraged them to keep up the good work and carry on the legacy. The love that the hip- hop generation has for Miss. LaBelle was recently displayed at the UNCF Parade of Stars- Salute to Patti LaBelle. In addition to Fantasia, singers like Chrisette Michelle, and Jennifer Hudson performed musical tributes to Patti LaBelle and had nothing but praise for the example that she has set with her music, but more important, with her generosity and willingness to mentor and cook for up and coming entertainers both male and female. LaBelle seems to always try to take the high road. In a recent interview she was asked why she didn't sing at any of President Obama's inauguration events, she graciously replied, she was not invited to perform, but gave mad props to Aretha Franklin for her performance.

I call upon Etta James, Aretha Franklin and Jennifer Holiday, who all clearly got caught up in the moment, to not allow their historical legacies to be tainted by a moment when they allowed the worst parts of themselves to show, rather than being a reflection of the Divine gifts to the world that they were born to be.

Imitation may be the highest form of flattery, but truly, there is no fool like an old fool.