Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Note to Single Moms and Mr. West

This post is in response to Kanye West' new song Mama's Boyfriend.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Umjy314sQQ. Thanks Nessa for the nudge. You knew I couldn't resist.

In the mist of what I consider Kanye's whining, he raises a very relevant issue regarding the relationship between mothers and their children, especially sons.  Single mothers stop telling little boys that they are the man of the house. Your child is not your boyfriend or your husband, he's a child and should act in a child's role.  Until he pays the bills, he ain't the man of nothing. End of conversation.

As a woman who raised a son as a divorced mom, I know a little bit about what I speak. I was very mindful in my relationship choices, but I was always clear of a couple of things: 1) every man I met, my child didn't need to meet 2) I was still a young woman and deserved the right to date  3) I recognized that it was important for my child to see me engaged in "healthy" relationships with men. Yet, I was also mindful that my son was taking his cues from me about how women should be treated. I can proudly say for the most part my son his a gentleman. Though he's hit some bumps in the relationship department, I'm proud of the man he is becoming.

Single moms, I'm not dumping on you. I know it's hard navigating the whole dating thing. Especially today when it's a real challenge for women in general to find the right mate. That's not to say that there are not good men out there, it's just connecting that right man with the right woman. And of course, blending baby mamas and daddies, it can get complicated.

The interesting thing is men handle the situation totally different.  I watch my son as a single dad raising his son. He is oh so clear that he's going to have a life and the littlest Hunt just has to get on board.  Of course the fact that L. Hunt's mom is not in the picture makes it both easier and sometimes much more complicated.

As for me Mr. West, I admire his artistry and I certainly empathize with the loss of his mom. However, Kanye was a whiner before his mother died and he continues. I said it before, I think the brother has some serious issues that I hope he's addressing. However, he's not the first person to lose a parent unexpectedly, and most don't have the benefit of wealth to get quality counseling or be able to afford the luxuries that he has.  Now of course there certainly could be much deeper issues with Kanye and some of his mother's boyfriends (IMJS). We all know that little girls are not the only ones that get violated by the mother's boyfriend or possibly even the father's girlfriend or whatever the configuration.

At some point we have to put a statue of limitations on all the ways that our parents f@cked up, and keep it moving. As someone once said, and I'm paraphrasing, "if your mom put you on the potty backwards as a child, by the time you're are 25 or 30 years old you need to have the good sense to turn yourself around.

Just my two cents.

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